It is a tricky subject, admits Greg A. Sachs, MD, professor of medicine and the department of medicine’s chief of geriatrics at the University of Chicago. But bringing it up is necessary. “I would approach the doctor and say, ‘I think Mom is so severely depressed that her functional decision-making is impaired.’ Even if the doctor says, because of privacy laws, ‘I can’t talk to you about it,’ this opening salvo has alerted the doctor that the next time he sees your mom for anything else, he’ll have heard about this.” The doctor should then be proactive. “I think for people who have a large geriatric component of their practice, it’s easy to bring up,” says Dr. Sachs. “The doctor can do that without having to disclose that you had this conversation.” It’s important, however, not to expect immediate results. “Your mom might deny she’s depressed,” adds Dr. Sachs. “But the family needs to know that things change—you end up sometimes having to wait for other healthcare problems to [create] a window of opportunity to bring it up again.” In the meantime, he says, “you have to have the long view and some patience.”
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I CANT TAKE CARE OF DAD LIKE THIS!!
my dad is going through this "depressed" phase which caused him to end up in the hospital to begin with. Since his birthday in march he had bouts with congestive heart failure (again for the seventh time) only this time he became extremely depressed to the point of tears. I read where CHF can trigger depression but it was a first in my dad. This time the fluid did not build up in the chest but ironically the stomach and legs. So after being put in the hospital he was finally placed in rehab where he can be watched 247 but professionals and learn to walk. Problem: he's putting the guilt trip on me everytime I visit or call him. If I stay all day he wants me to stay longer although I call. He was fine two days ago till his 94 year old friend (who is in another nursing home) called him. Do u think his old Judas friend put a bug in his ear not to end up like him? I can't bring dad home depressed like this. I can help him with his physical problems, even if he's handicapped, but emotional and mental depression and the crying I can't deal with. I told the social worker and doctor this today and they will have a psychiatrist see him and put him on low doses of zanax. I don't have medicaid, my dad makes too much and I had to have doctor begg the insurance company to put him in rehab. I want to keep him in rehab..its a great place. I work and can't take care of him at home and my mom is old and sickly too. Ican't have a nurse 247 the insurance wont pay for it. What do I do? I have to have a life too.
Caring for my parents
Last January I found myself taking a leave of absence from teaching to care for my parents who live 50 miles away. My Dad had pneumonia, COPD, and depression. My Mom has Alzheimers. For the last 6 years he has been taking care of her and we all have been watching her go downhill. I had been trying to talk my father into putting her in a home because I knew that his health was also declining. Dad refused to go to the hospital for the pneumonia but did agree to have home health come in. When he began to feel better he wanted home health to go away. He then wanted control over everything again. He found his meds and said he would take them rather than me giving them to him. He would forget and when I would remind him he would swear that he had taken them. He refused his breathing treatments and anything else he thought was useless. He also has bladder problems and many times could not make it to the bathroom in time. I had to do everything for my mom, wake her, bathe her, feed her, take her to the bathroom, etc. The only time I got out of the house was to go to the grocery store or pharmacy and then I had to wait until the housekeeper came so that they wouldn't be along. My dad was very unsteady and fell once in the bathroom and hit his head. Again he refused to go to the Dr. A few days after he fell, he woke up and was shaking so bad that he couldn't hold a glass. I called the home health nurse and had her come in to check him. She said that she thought that the pneumonia has returned. Dad was refusing to go to the hospital again. By this time, I was mentally and physically worn out and I had to tell my father that I could no longer take care of him and that I was going to take my mom with me. The nurse finally talked him into going to the hospital. Once he was in the hospital I was able to find a local assisted living home that had an opening if they could both be in the same room. That was a life saver for me. I had a total emotional colapse and my kids had to come and help me get Mom in the home, take things to my dad in the hospital, and close up the house. My dad hates the home but I know that he is in better health now because they make him take care of himself and eat 3 meals a day. He would only eat 2 when I was taking care of him. He wanted ice cream for dinner and it I refused he would get a box of crackers and cuss me out. My mom is happy there because there are other little ladies like her and it doesn't matter if she doesn't make sense when she is talking. My dad would just tell her to shut up because she was talking crazy.
If your parents have the money, consider a home because you will have no life if you don't. You will end up like me on depression meds for yourself. I feel guilty at times for not being able to take care of them but I know that they are really doing better where they are. My Dad is not going to be happy anywhere because he wants control of everything and everyone. That's what really drove me crazy.
i can relate
I only have to take of my mom and she has vascular demtia. She lives with me and I'm on disability due to a lung disease. So at times it gets real challenging to keep us both healthy and serene. She gets very sarcastic and demeaning towards me. which the total opposite of her personality years ago. Sometimes its so hard to deal with. I have gotten so frustrated at times that I just want to call it quits and let someone else take care of her. She can do somethings for herself but only if she wants to. It seams like she like to argue the most especially on the week ends . Its hard to know when she is talking whether its real or just whats in her head floating around. I am her only daughter and I have two older brothers and most of the time the only ones she remembers are my brothers and that really hurts because I have pretty much been there for her since I was born.