Your wife's hesitation may involve several obstacles. "Psychologically, this is a huge issue and it must be handled delicately," advises Mary Jane Minkin, MD, board-certified obstetrician/gynecologist and clinical professor at Yale University School of Medicine. Remember that the surgery—lifesaving a procedure as it may be—has most likely left your wife with psychological as well as physical scars.

By bringing the issues out in the open, you hopefully can work through them together. The object is to make your wife as comfortable as possible in all ways. "Acknowledge that this is an intimate matter," says Dr. Minkin. "The most important thing is to say, ‘I still love you and want you.' Encourage her to express whatever anxiety she has. Get her to say, ‘I'm concerned about this and embarrassed about that.' If you need a counselor, that's okay, too."

Beyond your wife's possible self-image issues, there could be physical causes for resistance. For instance, chemotherapy often causes vaginal dryness. This is a subject, Dr. Minkin notes, that women are reluctant to discuss. She recommends the use of vaginal lubricants, such as the non-hormonal product Replens. "If there are other physical issues," adds Dr. Minkin, "she should talk to her healthcare provider."