COMMUNICATION

Q. When I go to my elderly father's home, I find "free" stuff he's ordered. He explains he gets this stuff when he orders a magazine or the like, and upon canceling the subscription, he keeps the premium for nothing. But it doesn't appear as if he's canceling anything. Is this common behavior? How can I get him to stop?

A dialog is a key first step to curbing this relatively common behavior, indicates Allan A. Anderson, MD, a geriatric psychiatrist and board member for the American Association for Geriatric Psychiatry, based in Cambridge, MD. But, he adds, success may depend upon your father's level of competence. If he's of sound mind, Dr. Anderson suggests you remember "there's a strong psychological component to getting gifts. Try to open up some concern that there may be monies going that he doesn't realize. You could end up with a parent saying, ‘Thanks, but this is my life, back off!' Or, it may open up more dialog."

If there's more of an impairment, several steps are worth pursuing. Certain websites—including www.fcc.gov/cgb/donotcall/ and http://preference.the-dma.org—will help remove your father's name from mailing lists. You also could ask him to sign over power of attorney to give you more control of his finances.

But, even for those who are not impaired, Dr. Anderson notes, "this [behavior] could be a sign that there's increased loneliness or isolation. Maybe something can be provided by the family as a substitute. This is a wake-up call that Dad doesn't have enough outlets." He adds that what could help are "more family visits and other social outlets, [such as] community organizations, adult daycare or senior programs."