Caring Today Blog

Daddy Day Care

Submitted by Debbie on 2008, September 18 - 14:43.

Too many women at adult day care, too much uncooked pasta at home. Debbie works through a dilemma...

After my mother's death, I took time off to deal with the fallout. When I was ready to return to the work world I realized, ummm, who is going to help Dad?

I felt like a first-time mother realizing she was going to need childcare. I shopped around and knew that I had two options: care in our home, expensive but tailored for Dad, or an adult "day care" setting, inexpensive and providing him with the opportunity to socialize with his peers.

I decided I would visit a center first. I researched and found a lovely center in our hometown. So highly recommended and close by, who could ask for anything more?

See, right there, as soon as that thought crosses my mind, trouble follows. We packed up and trotted off to view the center. As we walked through, we saw art activities (finger painting), some napping and a group-cooking activity. We also saw women, and women... and more women. My dad looked at me in horror. We talked about it and he was adamant that he was not going there. He insisted that he was perfectly capable of being alone (that day he found a box of spaghetti and ate it, uncooked) and I was equally convinced that it was unsafe for him to be at home.

Then I entered an essay contest. (I still am amazed at myself!) Long story short, I won. And through the kindness of Caring Today and Home Instead Senior Care, I had access to respite and could really try it out.

It was lovely. Our caregivers were warm, loving women and enjoyed being with my dad. And he enjoyed their company. I could see the contentment on his face when I came home.

We continued with respite care at home to give me the opportunity to work part time, but as the years progressed and Dad's dementia advanced, something was missing for him. He loved having a friend who came to visit, but the hours were limited and he missed interaction with his peers. I decided to keep the respite but add day care.

I was terrified. Is Dad going to hate this? Is he going to resist? I had plans A-T (not quite to Z) in place. Almost every contingency was accounted for. I was prepared.

On the appointed day, I got Dad ready and off we went, hand in hand. I was reminded of my first day of kindergarten. I‘d been scared, worried that I wouldn't have friends, that I would miss home. I figured that Dad would be feeling the same. So, I did what he did for me. He'd taken me in, showed me around, talked to a few kids with me, took me over to the teacher, gave me a kiss and assured me that he would be there when I came home. And he was there with a cookie.

And so I was there for him-with ice cream.