Do No Harm
Submitted by Debbie on 2008, June 5 - 14:09.
“Do no harm." Maybe because my mom was a nurse, this phrase from the physicians’ oath was a living presence in our family.
I understand it as a parent: Give your kids as little fodder for the analyst’s couch as possible.
I understand it as an employee: If you choose not to heed these words, you lose your job.
I understand it as a friend: Be non-judgmental and loving.
But what do these words mean to me as a caregiver?
They give me courage. If I proceed with the attitude that I will do no harm, I am able to make some really scary decisions. When I step outside this philosophy, I become paralyzed by the second-guessing of my decisions.
They serve as a checks-and-balances guide. When I’m making what potentially could be life-altering decisions, I examine each one by asking myself, “Am I doing no harm?” Or I ask, “Would this decision be in line with Dad’s wishes?” If I can say yes and see a clear connection, I know I am on the right path.
Determining to “do no harm” can be the difficult choice. Sometimes it is the high road, and we all sometimes are tempted by the easier route.
They allow me room for forgiveness. If I doubt, if I begin to beat myself up, I can forgive myself with the understanding that I intended to “do no harm.” Instead of flogging myself, I stop and challenge myself: Was the decision in line with “do no harm”? If so, then I’m solid. If the outcome is poor, I can revisit my choice, ask myself the question and forgive myself for doing what seemed to be the best course of action at that time.
Finally, and this is the big one, “do no harm” gives me license to take time off. By allowing myself to become tired, depressed, lonely or frustrated, I do harm to both my loved one and to me. Cold, hard reality there, I know. Scary, too. How can we caregivers take a breather? So many things can go wrong…you know your own argument. I have learned to actively stop and remind myself, I cannot provide the best level of care when I feel overwhelmed and overly burdened by providing that care? So, respite—my time away from caregiving—is an important element of “do no harm.” It is not selfish. It is not running away from my responsibilities. It is perfectly in line with our vision of ourselves are caregivers.