Caring Today Blog

HOSPICE: DAY ONE

Posted by Debbie on: November 21st, 2008

Debbie gives thanks and "kisses" to their long-time family doctor as hospice for her father begins in the latest post of My So-Called (Caregiver) Life.

I had considered myself pretty savvy-once again not the right mind set for me, bites me in the rear every time. I still have a lot to learn. Our hospice nurse, Yolanda, was wonderful and put forces into motion that I still am amazed at. I want to say it all was like a train or a machine, but that's so hard and cold. And doesn't take into consideration our evolving  feelings and emotions and how they were respected.   

First the medical equipment arrived: a tray table for my dad's bed, and his oxygen. Drugs were being delivered to our house that afternoon. There was a lot of commotion and a lot to do, which was good for me because if my hands were busy I could avoid the reality and just take things hour by hour.

Again a previous and hard-won caregiving lesson came through for me. If you cannot deal with "the future," break the future down to bits you can deal with.  Like quitting smoking; most do not say I will never smoke again, but I will not smoke today, or this hour, or this minute. So I broke time up and dealt with it hour by hour, day by day or minute by minute.

When we moved into the loving arms of hospice, my dad's former physician had to pass the reins to the hospice doctor. I was sad as my dad's doctor had been with us through so much-my mom's illness, my dad's violence, my illness, my stress, and of course, my dad's illness. He'd coached and helped me, always with love and consideration.

That phone call from him explaining that he was passing the reigns was the end of an era. It was so sad. I thanked him for all the love and support he had given us over the years, told him that he'd made a difference. He liked to call himself a country doc and he was. A country doc is that doctor in the rural area that delivers the babies of babies he delivered 20 years previously. He knows everything about everyone.  He's kind and gentle.  He's loving. And unfortunately for him, he will never get rich. That is not what he is about nor where his energy is directed. The few of his ilk whom I have met have all been brilliant men who could earn big money and lead lives of luxury, but they don't.

So we were saying goodbye and he was telling me he supported my decision, that it was my call. I thanked him and let him know how much he means to his patients. He told me that just because we were out of "their circle," he was not gone, that  he was there for support and that whatever I needed was only a call away. He told me how much he enjoyed my dad and said some kind words. And then we said goodbye.

When I go to our local VA clinic to return the pacemaker check box, I intend to find him, to say goodbye and thank him in person. I actually found Hershey kisses with tags that say "Thank You." I have bought a dozen bags!