Identification Heft
Submitted by Debbie on 2008, August 7 - 09:25.
There is no pure science to caregiving. It's more of a go-with-your-gut, hope-for-the-best thing. Which isn't to say we needn't educate ourselves or develop skills to make life easier and better for both ourselves and the loved ones in our care. But which skills help us succeed? Which help transform caregiving from what we do to who we are? And once that transformation is complete, just who are we?
We are:
- Everyday people. We come from all income levels, all educational backgrounds and across the spectrum of race and gender. We are not homogenous, but we are all "in the same boat." So, to that my mom would say, "Hang on and enjoy the ride!"
- Creative. I mean, helllllllooooo, look at the myriad mysteries we unravel every day. We create and recreate our homes to accommodate the temporary and/or long-term needs of our loved ones. For those of us dealing with dementia, we enter (or try to enter) the fantasyland in which our loved one is living.
- Smart. I mean sharpest-knife-in-the-drawer, brightest-bulb-in-the-chandelier, S-M-A-R-T smart. We research and read and talk and study the illness that has changed our lives. We burn up the Internet as we endlessly surf the Web. Those four-a.m. mornings, when we cannot go back to sleep, we read and digest the information.
- Proactive. We do not sit back and let the disease do the driving for us. We grab the reins and plan a safe course. Now, like everything else, those plans must be flexible, because life happens while we are planning.
- Tough. We can take the hits. We can even help our loved ones take some hits. We plow through and keep our eyes on the prize. One of the things I admire most about caregivers is their toughness. Solid. Dependable. Stoic.
- Scared. Self-explanatory.
We are not:
- Victims. We have not let the disease or disease process take us and our loved ones without a fight. Every morning we wake and make the conscious decision to care for our loved one. We have not let the disease take over who we are. I am still Debbie Newsham and my dad is still George Jackson. By holding on to that thought, I can celebrate the fact that today we won and tomorrow we will try again.