Caring Today Blog

NEW YEAR, NEW BEGINNINGS

Posted by Debbie on: January 8th, 2009

From making arrangements for the chaplain to choosing the appropriate music, Debbie's caregiving "opportunities" persist as she plans the funeral of her father in the latest post of  My So-Called (Caregiver) Life.

My Dad passed away October 5, 2008. But he left a rich legacy of memories for me, my family and friends. 

We waited until December 20th to have his funeral because my daughter would be home from college then. We'd decided, as a family, that it should be a family affair. Friends and other family members would be invited but we would plan the ceremony. As always though, there were some unexpected twists.

My pastor had accepted a call to become an Air Force chaplain, leaving our church without a full-time minister. In retail, they say "location, location, location." Well, in caregiving, it‘s "timing, timing, timing." So, I contacted the interim vicar, who explained that she was able to perform a funeral, but that this would be her first. I replied with "That‘s okay-It‘s my third. I'll walk you through it." Caregiving opportunities abound!

She came to our house and we met. She had printed out what I would refer to as "the directions" and gave us a copy. My having said, "no worries," she took me at my word, turned to me and asked, "So what do we do?" I looked at the directions and voted for music. She said, "Oh good" and got excited; she had the answer to this one. The church organist was available if we were interested.

I said yes please and tried to think about what songs would be appropriate. I did not want a somber dirge and had a flash memory of my Dad in church, singing for all his worth but very badly. I knew that was the song! Lutherans call it our national anthem (very tongue in check); "A Mighty Fortress" is the hymn. This song is loud Germanic strong music, not dirge-like at all-but very much my dad.

The next consideration was readings. Again, it was important to us as a family that we laugh and love and remember my dad for the scoundrel that he was at heart. I was stumped and asked for some time. A few days later, while Christmas shopping, I found some thank-you cards with a very simple message: "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." This was it. This was my dad, this is who we were, who we are and who we will be. 

I also like to think that simple statement from Hebrews describes our evolution as caregivers. Oh, I am not done but I now have a little window to look back. My parents gave us this opportunity with the hope that our journey would be smooth and our bonds strong, and they were right. My parents also saw what I did not see in the beginning.  Not only did they have hope, they were certain that we would do our best; not perfection but our best effort.