Philosophy 101
Submitted by Debbie on 2008, March 12 - 09:39.
Who knew my dad and husband were amateur philosophers? I remember back when I was growing up, Dad would have seemingly intense discussions with the "other grown-ups." He was very involved with our church and after services would spend time with me, reviewing the sermon and what it meant to us. As his dementia and confusion increased, I had given up hope of reliving these moments of junior academia. But, once again, dementia had a surprise or two for me.
We have disconnected cable television in our house, as it is not good for Dad. He hears news about the war or children being hurt and he gets upset, then forgets why he is upset and then makes up reasons. Things just spiral out of control from there. We have resorted to DVDs. We have tons of movies and sitcoms that are appropriate for my dad—The Odd Couple, Hogan's Heroes, King of Queens, and Will & Grace, to name a few.
Last evening we were watching Will & Grace, the comedy about a young woman and her gay best friend. There are others in the cast; one that my dad particularly enjoys is a New York socialite. He sits and laughs and tells me about growing up in New York state and memories of "The City."
We were eating dinner in the living room, laughing and talking and generally just being a family. As dinner wound down and I was getting dishes to the kitchen and cleaning up, I heard Dad ask my husband, "Why am I here?"
My husband was taken aback by the question and unsure how to answer. He has trouble embracing my dad's surreal reality and finds it difficult to say something that is not factual. I, on the other hand, enjoy the fantasy and love to see where Dad takes me. My husband responded with, "Do you mean why any of us are here?"
My poor dad looked confused and repeated his question, "Why am I here?" Soon, my husband and dad were entering into a philosophical journey on the meaning of life, why we are on earth and other existential thoughts.
I came around the corner and saw my dad's face. He saw me and looked at me with a "help me" expression. I asked what was going on.
Dad, looking greatly relieved, said, "There you are."
I affirmed that I was here and would be here all night.
Dad said, "Thank goodness!" Then he asked me, "Why am I here?"
I explained it was home and that we love him and that we all live together to care for one another.
Once again he shot me a ‘you are not very bright" look. Finally, in exasperation, he said, "No! Why am I here with all these gay people?"
My husband and I looked at one another and started to laugh. Dad had thought the folks on the TV were in the living room, and he couldn't figure out why there were no heterosexuals.
Another lesson from Dad: Don't complicate matters!
We didn't have to go through the philosophical treatise on life and existence. All he wanted to know was why the strangers were in the living room with him. We made it bigger and deeper than it needed to be.
Our new philosophy: Keep It Simple!