Caring Today Blog

Q&A

Posted by Debbie on: March 5th, 2009

In the latest post of My So-Called (Caregiver) Life, Debbie wants some of those well-meaning folks offering opinions, views and queries about her future to just take care in what they say.

Now that Dad has passed and most of the folks in my "circle of trust" know it, I am being inundated with advice and questions.  I know most mean well and are concerned. But from listening to some of their comments, there are those that make me wonder if they truly understand what caregiving means.

"Now that your dad has passed will you still be involved with advocating for caregivers and their loved ones?"

My father died, NOT my compassion and empathy for our kindred souls.  Helllloooooo.  Yes, now that my dad is gone, I am going to knit mufflers (and be sarcastic).  I mean, does that sound anything like me?  NOT!  But I do like to knit, but usually at a workshop or meeting about caregiving. 

"Must be nice to have a life again."

Ummm excuse me. I had a life before, during and after.  I did not cease to exist and become frozen in time.  I may not have played the way I used to (or might have wanted to), but I was not Cinderella or a damsel locked in a tower. 

"Maybe you should find a new cause?"

A new cause?  What is wrong with the old one?  People still take care of people.  Caregivers still need a voice. They still need support.  Why would I trade that in?  Would I really want to walk away from everyone I have met and everything I have learned?  And, frankly, "new cause" sounds like a new handbag.  Okay, not a handbag, handbags are good old or new. Hmm, something more frivolous and owned for status. Got it! A gym membership.  Now, that's definitely worth trading in. 

Hear me and hear me well naysayers.  Caregiving is not going away.  It is not a disease you catch and cure.  Actually it will only grow.  I am proud to call myself a caregiver and do not consider myself a "has been." Sometimes, I call myself a survivor. But I prefer to see this experience as a journey.  I did not plan it.  I did not chart its course.  I followed the tide and tried to enjoy the ride.  If you want, picture a sled dog team. There is a saying: "unless you are the lead dog the scenery never changes." Well my scenery changed but I am still moving.