Caring Today Blog

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE OCEAN

Posted by Debbie on: December 3rd, 2008

On her dad's first full day at home, Debbie stays perfectly calm and, with a helping hand from hospice, turns a bad day around in the latest  My So-Called (Caregiver) Life.

For the most part, I've been able to form wonderful relationships with the team of physicians required to maintain my dad's health. Some were very easy. Some not so easy.

Well, the first full day Dad was home was a Friday and I ran into trouble. As I mentioned earlier, when we went into the hospice system I was very clear: I wanted no pain, oxygen on hand and my dad to stay home until his life had come to conclusion. I was willing to fight tooth and nail for my dad as I knew the end was very near. I was definitely the "mother bear protecting her cub."

Hospice told me we would receive a comfort pack of medications for my dad. By three o'clock, the pack had not arrived. I understood that all medications were to be delivered to our door. I was getting a little nervous as the weekend was coming and if we got into trouble I wanted my tools on hand. The phone rang and my caller ID told me it was the pharmacy. I answered the phone-I was so excited, the cavalry was coming! The pharmacist introduced herself and explained that my dad had no health insurance. I explained that we were with hospice and that all medications were covered by Medicare. 

At this point, it became very obvious that the pharmacist was having a bad day. I have to laugh now when I realize that a good old-fashioned girl fight was just what I needed at that moment. She explained that she tried every way possible and payment was denied. I asked which insurance companies she tried to bill and the first one was for active military. My Dad was retired military, so, of course it would be denied. As she listed off insurer after insurer I patiently listened and waited for her to stop. When it was my time to talk, I asked if the problem was that they were unwilling to pay or was it that she was unable to process it-and then I suggested, yes I did, that she find a cashier to help her. OMG!  She was soooooo mad by then. Chuckles. I had this mental image of her whirling in frustration and puffing in anger. I was perfectly calm. 

I started making suggestions-call hospice, bill retired military, try Medicare, etc. She cut me off saying that she'd called hospice and they were not returning her calls. She asked how I wanted to pay for the drugs and said they were VERY expensive. I could almost hear her foot tapping. I asked how long I had to fix this and get the drugs for my dad that night. She said, "three hours." I said, "Done."

I called my buds at hospice and got the receptionist, explaining that I had a minor emergency and a tight deadline. Within 15 minutes I had a call from the on-call nurse. I explained the situation. The nurse, Jeff, first expressed his surprise and then suggested that I not get in the middle. If I have these problems I should call them and they will take care of it for me. I smiled and said, "Gee Jeff, I think that's great but I tried that. I was told you were not returning her calls and she was yelling (true) and demanding payment from me."

Less is more here. He was shocked and apologized and explained this should never have happened. He told me I would have the drugs by 5:00 PM or he would personally spend the weekend at our house to keep my dad comfortable.

I have learned that confronting the unyielding object will not work.

I could have stayed on the phone with the pharmacist and argued well past our deadline. All that would have been accomplished: I would have vented some, she would be angry and my dad would be in pain. That is not a win-win situation. 

So, I took a lesson from my mom and got an unyielding object to meet the unyielding object. As we were operating under the true situations and had all the facts, I was certain hospice would prevail.

And if not, I hoped Jeff liked cookies-because if you are staying with me, ya gotta eat a cookie.