CaringToday Blog

The Money Trail

Submitted by mlichter on 2007, November 28 - 15:30.

When you're caring for a loved one, you have to keep track of a lot of things. There is, of course, the making of and getting one to appointments with doctors. There's also the dispensing of meds, bathing and toileting, grocery shopping and home maintenance. But the one that gets me is handling the finances.

It's more than just paying bills. It's tracking accounts, talking to financial advisers, dealing with lawyers and accountants, and making sure not only that money goes out on time, but comes in on time—and in the right amounts.

There's a reason I don't work on Wall Street. Although, like most of us, I love money (to save and to spend), I hate trying to keep track of it.

It wasn't so bad when I was doing it just for me, or even for my late wife and myself. It got a little more complex but was easily doable when we added my daughter's accounts to the mix. But now, with monitoring and managing my mom's money thrown in, the scenario is getting a bit crazy. There are my bills, my daughter's college bills and all my mom's bills to handle—now including the weekly one from the agency that provides Mom's live-in home care worker. There's my checkbook, Gillian's checkbook, Gillian's and my checkbook, my mother's checkbook and investment-account checkbooks.

And then there's the paperwork! Everyone needs to know who has power of attorney over what. As it happens, I have it. But every time something new has to be done or another account has to be dealt with, there's the "prove it to me" moment when I realize why fax machines still exist. And if your paperwork is more than a year or two old, there are the affidavits that must be produced and presented to demonstrate the documents are still in effect.

Let's not forget having to lay out money to cover some of my mother's bills—or things she needs me to pick up for her—until her monthly income arrives. I go grocery shopping for her and pay for it on my credit card, then she reimburses me with a check I write and she signs—after I've made sure there's money in the account to cover the expense. If not, I'm making the transfers or waiting to be reimbursed when funds do arrive.

And then there are the "how long will the money last" thoughts. Where I once thought money wouldn't be a major problem, I now realize how wrong I could be. The stream of funds from which to derive my mother's income isn't endless; her ever-growing expenses seem to be without end. Yes, it does keep me up some nights and could be contributing to the fact that my blood pressure is up some days.

But then I remember that I'm likely better off than many others who are caring for a loved one. My hat is off to all of you who find a way to pay for the cost of caregiving by contributing out of your own pocket, finding state and federal funds, taking loans, or finding ways to cut back on things you want—and often on things you need. As a good friend recently reminded me, "The money trail is not paved with gold."