Caring Today Blog

An Intriguing Perspective

Submitted by susan on 2007, March 29 - 13:09.

I recently had a conversation with a caregiver, actually a former caregiver, that I must say surprised me. The man was adamant that I pay attention to what he had to say. He actually horned in on a conversation I was having with another caregiver about her ill spouse.

After giving in (not that I had much of a choice), I understood why he wanted, and needed, to tell his story.He’d stepped up to the plate to help his mother when she became ill and cared for her for over two years. Nothing unusual there, as many of us know. But then he proceeded to fill in the details.

He’d always been the “bad boy” in his family, his siblings being the responsible, fine upstanding citizens and family members, towering over him in all their achievements. But when his mom was in need, he did a sort of turnaround. He moved in with her and cared for her night and day, attending to all her various needs.

As he explained this, his eyes were aglow. He said that the experience changed him and for the better. He noted that he’d not only surprised his siblings and mom, but that he’d actually surprised himself. He became more disciplined and focused. He grew to love and truly appreciate his mother more than ever as he tried to anticipate her needs. He learned about assisting with the tasks of daily living. He dealt with doctors and medical emergencies. And then he said—and I didn’t exactly see this coming—that he’d never felt so vital in his life! He still missed his mother sorely even though she’d died a few years ago. And he remembered that period as a magic time in his life, giving him purpose and a pride he’d never felt before.

So, I’m glad he interrupted. And I am still intrigued by his perspective. Most times in my various caregiving experiences, I felt I wasn’t doing enough. Often I was more worried about turning everything to a positive, and was frustrated when I couldn’t. Certainly I felt good when my dad or my husband’s mom seemed cheered or ate a little better on a given day…but I experienced no rush like this former bad boy enjoyed.

Which makes me want to ask you: Does the good and often difficult care you provide make you feel vital? Always? Sometimes? Never? All of the above? Let me know if this story strikes a chord in you. Whatever your reaction, take a page from this tale and give yourself a gold star today for the vital care you give!