Bother Me with Emails
Submitted by susan on 2007, September 18 - 12:55.
I get a ton of emails weekly from one particular friend whose dozens of friends all send her emails that she then passes on. You know the kind: the truth about cats and dogs, the ten scariest pictures of the year, photos of leopards playing with newly hatched chicks, etc. I do read and enjoy them and sometimes pass them on to others, though rarely.
My friend once asked me if I wanted her to stop and I said no. But I did want to ask her how she, and all these other senders-of-junk, have so much time to peruse and distribute when I have so little time to do my most necessary chores. Yet, often there's a special email that brings a smile or has resonance, so why should I kvetch over even the moment it takes to open and enjoy it.
But I digress—and now I'm taking your time. So let me get to two reasons why I think these kinds of emails are good—at least sometimes.
I just got off the phone with a caregiver, a Caring Today reader, who called a while back to thank us for our article, "Don't Burn Out" (click here to read that article). She was already at steamheat and in tears over what to do about her very ill father. She'd been caring for him night and day, including serious wound care, and her life was in a tizzy—she was neglecting her husband and kids and her own health and feeling as though she wasn't even doing that well by her father. And the mere thought of placing her dad in a nursing home was more than she could bear.
When I checked in with her today, her spirits were much better. Her father had moved to a care facility (now she's advocating for the kind of attention he needs on a daily basis) and she'd had a stress test (heart OK, but don't push it), given in and is taking an anti-depressant (for now). Her kids have started school and she's feeling better now that she's able to concentrate on her family more.
Then she told me about an email she'd just gotten and was going to go back and read again. It was from a friend—and one of "those kinds of emails", but she said it really helped. It was on stress (something about holding a glass of water and looking at it, not for how full it was, but for some other angle she couldn't quite recall). But the point, she said, is that it reminded her how important it is to try to keep stress levels down. So, it was a good email and it helped her.
One of "those emails" that I got recently, during a particularly stressful patch, helped twist my life back into perspective. It's about the violinist Itzhak Perlman, and here is the short version:
This artist, who'd had polio as a child, always crosses the stage of the concert hall using crutches, with braces on both legs, which he removes before he plays. Once ready, he nods to the conductor to begin. But one night in November of 1995, just after he'd played a few notes, a string on his violin broke with an incredible snap. Everyone expected him to refasten the braces, slowly make his way back across the stage, replace the string and return at the accustomed pace. Instead, he closed his eyes for a moment, then signaled the conductor to begin again. He played passionately and powerfully, the email said, "modulating, changing, re-composing the piece in his head (as though) de-tuning the strings to get new sounds from them that the had never made before." When he finished, after a stunned silence, the audience stood and cheered. Quietly and humbly, after everyone settled down, he said "You know, sometimes it is the artist's task to find out how much music you can still make with what you have left."
Whenever life seems to give me three strings instead of the four I'm accustomed to, I hope I have the grace to play on. This is an email I've passed on—and saved.
Comments
"those e-mails"
Hi Susan, I am a new enrollee in Caring Today. I am a caregiver to my 35 year old multihandicapped child who is the joy of my life. I have a dear, dear friend Paula who is always there for me, hugs, cuts my hair, lets me bitch on and on and says would you like a cup of tea. She knows I don't drink tea, I drink coffee, but it is her way of saying that's enough lets get on with our day. She often sends me "those e-mails" and I enjoy them so very much. My down time starts around 11:00 and one night I was up to you know where on my life meter and I opened up my e-mails and started reading and on the last one that I read I laughted so hard that I actually cried and wet my pants and praised the Lord for a friend like Paula. Thank God she always seems to know just when I need them the most.
I post a note the other night when I joined you all and after reading it again, man I realised that I sure did hate the world that day. But days get better - besides I never know what God has prepared for me tomorrow. I have begun to look at life like a new adventure each day because no two days are ever alike.
Talk with you later.
JoAnn
Re: "those e-mails"
JoAnn: I did see your earlier post and it made me sad. But aren't we all entitled to have a bad day, or react negatively to an aspect of life that seems impossibly awful, at least once in a while? I can tell you've got pluck and am glad to know you have a friend like Paula. You sound like you know how to find the things that can turn your day around.
Looking at each new day as an adventure seems absolutely on target to me. A beloved aunt, who died a few years ago, used to berate (silently -- or to me) people who had no curiosity, especially for what the next day might bring. Sometimes the next day just serves up something else to conquer, or another way to show what we're made of, but I do believe that's what keeps us vital. May Paula keep sending you those wet-your-pants-funny e-mails, and may you keep looking at life as the grand adventure it is.
PS. I was having a mildly grumpy day before I read your post and you've made me feel better! Susan
those e-mails
Hi, my name is Nancy and I am a 40 yr old care giver to my 80yr young mother and step-father who is 91. I am also a new enrollee in Caring Today, and today is the first time I have spent time reading the blogs. Within the next month, my parents will be moving into an addition that my husband and I are having built onto our home, seems with my mother being in a wheel-chair and/or walker full time and my step dad getting on up there, it is time that they move in with us, so that my husband, 2 children and I can help take care of them. I am the youngest of 8 children (adopted at birth) and since my father died in 1989, it seems that my husband and I have always been care givers of some sort to my mother. I am rambling on here....but to get to the conversation of emails, I sometimes think that while I am at work, and I have a chance to look at them, they are my highlight of laughter for most days, most of them make me smile at a dark moment of feeling over whelmed with what I have going on between parents and my own children. Some I have seen numerous times, but still get a chuckle.....I hope that I continue to get the ones that lighten my heart, but would like the political ones and such to end......I also wanted to mention to JoAnn that those bad days are few and far between I believe and she should feel ok knowing that we all have those days, and sometimes come across worse than we really want to, I know that I have those days. Keep smiling! (but know that it is ok to frown) Nancy
those e-mails
Nancy, I've been thinking about what you said about getting some e-mails over and over and still getting a chuckle each time they appear. I'm like that, too. I guess it's like loving to hear a great story over and over. If it's really good, the magic and delight remain.
Hope you're finding things to smile about today. I know you've got a very different life ahead of you when your mom and stepdad move in. Let me (and all who check our blogs) know how you, your folks and all the family are meeting the challenge. I hope adjustments on all sides go wellâ€â€and that when something's difficult or makes someone feel a bit "ouchy," you can keep your sense of humor, talk the issue out and move on. Some things may be tough, especially in the begining, but you know you're doing a good and loving thing for your parents. Truly, keep us posted. Susan
Susan, thank you for the
Susan, thank you for the kind words! I will keep you posted on how the move and all the adjusting to life go.....we are getting anxious right now, it seems we are so close to the addition being done, then something holds us up. My parents are getting excitted also, last week they went with me to pick out flooring etc. I still have to say, I look forward to sitting down and reading my emails, and yes, I had at least 3 today that I have seen numerous times before.....still made me smile! Nancy
Son w/MS.
Compassion. I have plenty. My son will be 33 on March 13th and has MS. In three weeks he has deteriorated severely. Having trouble swallowing, talking, has sore on foot that won't heal. His half-sister 27 is taking care of him and her 6 yr old girl. They live in Colorado Springs, CO and I live in Rio Hondo, TX. His sister called the ambulance to take him to the hospital on Monday, 2/25/08. Her 6 yr old daughter had the flu/vomitting and diahrea. She drove her daughter to the ER. After taking care of her daughter, she went to check on my son. They gave him 2 IVs of Saline solution, so he could urinate. Gave him a shot for nausea. That was it. They sent him home with suppositories for his half-sister to insert. He has a constipation problem. There is no help in Colorado Springs because he makes too much money on SSDI and in order to get long-term care for him the GOVERNMENT would take his money and 90% of her child support to put him in a facility. Makes me want to BARF. She cannot continue to care for him. She bought him Depends because he has no control of his bladder. He dehydrates because he finds it so hard to swallow. I do not know where to go from here. Even if I got off work and flew to Colorado (in the snow)I wouldn't have any better luck getting help for them. The Hospital Social Services was not able to help that night because they had released him earlier. Then 2 days later she notified them and me that the next time he needs help, call the EMS and get him to the hospital and don't let him leave. His sister will ask for ER Social Services and discuss getting him admitted to evaluate him thoroughly. That still won't help long-term. PLEASE HELP THEM AND ME. I truly wish there was one central location for people like us to get help. Everyone's needs are different, but there should be some organization that can help my son and his half-sister. Thanks for listening.
Those emails
I have 2 circles of email buddies and, yes, I've often wondered who has the time to find all "those emails" that we circle around to one another much less create them. But everyday I love to pull up those emails for their inspiration and humor. God Bless whoever has the time to create "those emails" and my friends for including me in their circles of love. And yes, it doesn't hurt anyone when a favorite one makes the circle again.
those emails
L. I admit I'm a sucker for sleeping puppies who look so peaceful and trusting, and the amazing photos of the crazy things some people do...both make me feel good for different reasons. My main emailer asked me recently if she should stop sending stuff my way and I answered with an adamant NO. There's a little lesson, reminder or smile in each one and sometimes they come at just the moment I need such a jiggle or jolt in my life.
I hadn't really thought about who creates all of these emails that we send around...some special people with high-level computer skills (at least much highter than mine) and a special wit and sensibility, me thinks. So today, I thank them, too, for brightening our days. Susan