I had lived in Atlanta for nearly 17 years when I found myself having to move to Portland, Oregon, to take care of my mother, who was diagnosed with dementia in August 2005. Initially, I came for two weeks to take my mother to a couple of doctor appointments, hoping to obtain a better report than I did. The same day I was scheduled to return to Atlanta, my sister placed our mother in a home without my knowledge or consent. When I discovered what my sister had done, I turned around and came back to remove my mother from the foster home where she’d been placed and to help her with her health issues.

I moved here without transportation, money, a job or a plan. I had no idea how my mother and I were going to pay for anything. I altered clothing, made scarves, worked temp assignments and was able to pay my personal bills every month. I was busy trying to find work, preparing healthy meals, going to doctor’s appointments and spending the remainder of my time trying to keep myself from slipping totally and completely into depression.

For the past 11 months, I have striven to address my mother’s health issues and find ways to improve her health and her quality of life. I keep her as active as possible by keeping her involved with the Urban League and other centers. I encourage family members and friends to come by and visit with her or to take her somewhere out of the house. I both work full time during the week and manage her affairs, which includes speaking to her doctors. I am the “go to” girl for everything.

When the weekend comes, I am still on caregiving duty. Her friends come by to take her to church, but that is usually it. Every other weekend, I take my mother and aunt to see my grandmother, who is in a home.

I reside in the same home as my mother, and we don’t get respite unless we can both afford it. There are many times when we both need a break from each other yet have to be around one another.

One of my friends says he admires me. I tell him not to, that I’m just trying to do what I can. I don’t know that I’ve inspired anyone, but I have definitely learned a number of important points concerning caregiving:

• Take respite care often and whenever it’s offered
• Make time for yourself to do what you want
• Try to arrange events or visits for the care recipient to be with her peers
• Don’t expect any help from your family; no one is coming to relieve you from this responsibility
• Don’t ignore your own health issues
• Pray, pray, pray

A Home Instead CAREGiver grand prize would make a huge impact on our lives. A worn-out caregiver is good to no one.

Decarol Randle, Portland, OR
Winner of $2,500 worth of respite care
from Home Instead Senior Care