2006 "Give a Caregiver a Break” RUNNER-UP
"We Gratefullly Recount The Blessings of Our Progression"
Our lives changed in the Yukon on June 15, 2004. Jim, my husband of 39 years, had a lifelong dream of a road trip to Alaska. This dream was in full swing when a stroke felled him. Watching him writhing, drooling and unable to speak was excruciating. He was taken to White Horse General Hospital and later jetted to Seattle. Family from Florida and Virginia gathered there. Tears, hugs and prayers were in abundance.
We came home to Florida in September. Home healthcare was excellent and supportive, but days passed quickly and soon Jim and I were on our own. From being cared for, I became the caregiver of a totally dependent man.
Always mindful of the potential of another stroke, seizure or fall, I slept lightly. Tasks heretofore shouldered by two—finances, household repairs, carrying packages and tending to pets—became mine alone. Jim’s movements take 40 times more energy, leaving him fatigued and napping. Getting up from a chair takes minutes rather than seconds. Stares from others cut into my heart on days when I am overwhelmed and overworked.
Made aware of their own frailty, family and friends are adjusting personal priorities. There now are more family parties, vacations and time for small talk. Seeing young people show respect and concern for others is especially touching. Seeing me assume new responsibilities, siblings learn just what they are capable of doing.
My husband smiles and shares that he has developed total trust in my caregiving. He feels released to concentrate on getting stronger and exploring personal independence. He cares for his personal needs, walks short distances, talks, reads, thinks and shares feelings. These are among the many miracles Jim has received during the past two years.
Caregiving from Home Instead would be the icing on the good-life cake we now have after months of hard times. It would be a boost to the next level of recovery and allow me to recoup patience, stamina and joy. Once again I could be the wife—not just the caregiver—of a giving, loving, caring man who now needs what he so generously gave. The focus on medication, doctors, emergency rooms, canes, wheelchairs, splints and braces would be replaced with a new adventure. Jim would have someone with whom to share his wonderful stories while I go out for precious moments alone.
This contest has opened a dialogue between Jim and myself. We gratefully recount the many blessings of our mutual progression from despair to hope. Jim is still the best thing that ever happened in my life. Fears, whining, complaining and oceans of tears are ebbing. The distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between my knees and the floor. Support groups hold us up until we can again stand erect. A small reticent grin becomes a wide toothy smile, eventually a giggle, and then a full laugh. Life is good.
Every caregiver deserves a moment alone to refresh and renew and revitalize. Give us a break and we will pass it on to our loved ones and other caregivers.
—Nancy Mercier, West Palm Beach, FL