HELP ME LIVE
Learning good caregiver communication
BY:MARC LICHTER
"We all need information to ensure we communicate effectively—not to say the ‘right thing,' but to...make those who are ill feel better rather than worse," writes cancer survivor Lori Hope in the preface of her book, Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know (Celestial Arts, $15.95).
With that in mind—and having learned from her support group that her experience was quite common—Hope interviewed those who had had cancer; counselors, therapists, psychologists and social workers; experts in both conventional and mind-body medicine; and others. And through their voices, she explains, "the book is designed as food for thought" in which "stories unfold, providing examples of words and deeds that have helped and...harmed people with cancer."
The 20 chapter titles are statements from which lessons can be learned. Here are a few to get you started:
"It's okay to do or say the ‘wrong' thing"
"I need to know you're here for me (and if not, why not)"
"Asking my permission can spare me pain"
"I want compassion, not pity; comfort, not advice"
"I am more than my cancer; treat me kindly, not differently"
"I want my caregiver to take care of herself or himself"