2006 "Give a Caregiver a Break” RUNNER-UP
"As Grandma Plays With My Kids, Her Eyes Light Up With Joy"
“John died,” Autumn tells me as she marches out of Jean’s room. Autumn and her one-year-old brother, Luke, had been “keeping great-grandma company” and discussing everything, which today included the great-grandfather Autumn had never met because he had died 10 years previously.
My grandmother has lived with us for a year. She moved in reluctantly but has grown to enjoy her life here. Most days, she works on crossword puzzles, folds laundry, plays with the kids and has conversations about her teenage years.
I spend each day caring for my kids and Grandma. I am a playmate, short-order cook, housekeeper and friend. I have learned so much about her younger years and more about my grandfather, who I adored when I was a child.
We recently celebrated Grandma’s 93rd birthday. My three-year-old daughter baked her a cake and was excited to buy her a present. My grandma has enriched my daughter’s life. If we are out without Grandma, my daughter constantly asks who is with Grandma or who will pick her up. She leads Grandma to the table for meals. As I watch my grandmother tickle and play with the kids, I see her eyes light up with joy. I realize that she must have played like that with me when I was a child. When I talk to people about my current household, they often are amazed. Years ago, this living situation would have been normal; families took care of each other. Now, most are too busy to do so. The 90-year difference between my grandma and daughter has made them think and take into consideration what is truly important and value the intergenerational bond.
This year has been hard. It was July 2005 when my grandmother’s friend found her cold, wet and naked in the bathtub. She had spent the night alone and afraid because she did not have the strength to pull herself out. My house was the only one in the family with a first-floor bedroom, so we decided she would stay with us. She looked so frail, we didn't think she would make it to Christmas.
My grandma took a long time to settle in. She thought she could still take care of herself and constantly asked to go home. She would make decisions, the dementia would surface and I would have to start the discussion over again.
All of the lost sleep and frustration has been worthwhile. I know my grandma is safe and happy. She has improved all our lives, from her one-year-old great-grandson to her 55-year-old daughter.
There are many times when I think I could really use some time just with my husband and kids. My mom and siblings have been great in providing that break, but recently they’ve become very busy and are not always available. I am looking to find someone I can trust with my grandma during these times. I need someone who understands her desire for independence and her limitations, someone who will enjoy her like I do.
—Jennifer Mallett, Saco, ME