2008 “Give a Caregiver a Break” RUNNER-UP: JoAnne
"A Golden Age"
I am a full-time caregiver for my 87-year-old mom. She has several health problems, including dementia, diabetes, high blood pressure, incontinence and recently, a retinal hemorrhage due to macular degeneration. Mom is strong-willed and has expressed a desire to remain in her home in her last years. I have tried to respect her wishes and spend an average of 40 hours a week caring for her.
My responsibilities include bathing her and helping her dress, laundering, shopping, preparing meals, administering medications, appointment scheduling/transportation and paying her bills. I try to take her to lunch or dinner once a week to relax and spend quality time together. This affords us an opportunity to enjoy each other's company outside the daily routine.
Being a primary caregiver requires sacrifice, patience and a positive attitude. I have three sisters who live out of state, but there is little involvement on their part due to work obligations and family responsibilities of their own. I sometimes wish they could experience my life for one day, or perhaps visit once a year to help with Mom.
Recently, my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. We were unable to go away because we could not afford respite care. My youngest son, a senior in high school, has expressed a desire to visit several colleges before applying in the fall. As this is an important step in his life, we would like to visit the campuses with him. The demand of Mom's care and cost of respite stay make it virtually impossible.
I love Mom and try to care for her, but I am definitely experiencing caregiver burnout after three years. My own family is neglected, my home isn't organized as I'd like, and it is difficult managing two households.
Lastly, we are all going to reach the Golden Age someday. I try to instill a sense of compassion and kindness in my children and let them know that one day they will experience life as a grandparent. One day, my daughter invited her grandmother to lunch. She helped her with her walker, got her settled in the booth and read the menu to her, since she has difficulty reading and making decisions. They ate, shared conversations and requested the check when finished. The waitress told my daughter the couple at the next table had paid their lunch tab. The gentleman was so impressed with my daughter's kindness and patience with her grandmother, they wanted to do something special. She was surprised and wanted to thank them, but they had already left. I am proud of my children and hope they will always remember their elderly loved ones with a caring heart.
Caregiving touches lives and brings light into the world of so many loved ones. It gives us a chance to give back to our parents who took care of us our whole lives and enables us to set a positive example for our children.
—JoAnne Jennings; VeroBeach, FL
Winner of $500 in free respite care
From Home Instead Senior Care
Cares for mother Helen Kilcommons