2008 "Give a Caregiver a Break" RUNNER-UP: Anna Mae
"A Hard Scrabble Life"
The day-to-day experience of caregiving is an extremely demanding role. I am the caregiver for my 90-year-old husband who is legally blind with macular degeneration and suffers from dementia/Alzheimers. There are many details to manage, such as: medication, diet, meal preparation, help with feeding, dressing, toileting, ambulation, exercise, doctor's appointments, and the list goes on . . . The biggest challenge is finding activities to keep his life fun and interesting and to keep his mind engaged. His limited vision makes it difficult for him to read or watch TV. He used to play chess with family and friends, and we used to play hours of Scrabble until he couldn't see the chess pieces or the Scrabble tiles clearly anymore. I did manage to find an oversized deck of playing cards that he can see with some effort, so we do still manage to play cards several times a week.
I have embraced the role of caregiver gradually. As my husband lost more and more capabilities, I took on more and more responsibility. Needless to say, my life has been greatly impacted. I have very few outside activities. I used to be very involved in church programs as a leader and a volunteer. I have managed to continue facilitating the caregiver support group which I started two years ago at the request of my pastor. We meet on a monthly basis and my son or friend will come to stay with my husband during that time. But, caregiving is not all about giving up things; it is also about gaining things. For example, I have learned to slow down and enjoy the simple, little things in life. Caregiving has also given me more time to focus on my spiritual life. It has taught me how fleeting life is and how precious this time with my husband is. I am learning to be more caring, compassionate and patient not just with my husband, but with myself. There are times when I do fall down and I have to pick myself up, forgive myself and keep on going.
I believe others have been inspired through the caregiver support group. We share our joys and sorrows, and I try to provide much in the way of speakers, resources and information to help them navigate the confusing and difficult world of caregiving. Many have expressed admiration not just for how I manage my husband's care, but also admiration for him as he gracefully advances in years and accepts all the difficulties and challenges his disabilities present on a daily basis. A Home Instead caregiver could make a tremendous difference in my life. It would be wonderful to have someone come in on a regular basis to provide me with much needed respite. Right now, I rely on limited family help, some good friends and volunteers from our Church. However, they are not always available when we need them, nor are they available on a regular basis, which is so important for a caregiver.
—Anna Mae DuCharme, Riverview, FL
Winner of $500 in free respite care
From Home Instead Senior Care
Cares for husband, Leo A. DuCharme