2009 “Give a Caregiver a Break” RUNNER-UP: BARBARA
"Suddenly A Caregiver"
Sometimes a caregiver assumes the role gradually, as when an elderly parent needs more care each year. Other times, one becomes a caregiver suddenly and with enough trauma to turn life upside down. Nine months ago, my sixty-nine year old husband Paul had, without warning, a massive left-brain stroke.
Following three months of hospital and skilled nursing care, including therapy, he finally came home. The man who had played shortstop several times a week on a softball team is now in a wheelchair. He cannot walk or use his right hand even to sign his name. I believe he can read some words, but it is difficult to know for sure as he can't speak at all.
As his caregiver, I simply want his life as easy and comfortable as possible while we enjoy whatever good moments we can. So far, I am managing his transfers from bed to wheelchair and back. But my body feels the effects. A wonderful, caring healthcare aide comes three mornings a week to help with showers and shaving. I only wish he could come more often or stay longer, as my husband's physical needs must be addressed about twelve hours every day.
Non-physical needs are often even harder. The stroke has stolen parts of my husband's mind, leaving him frustrated and sometimes angry or depressed. Some of his personality traits (and not always his best ones) seem magnified. In addition to the husband I love, there are some "strangers" living here in our home.
By far the greatest challenge as his caregiver is our difficulty communicating. Between words and gestures, he understands most of what I say. Sadly, however, he is not always able to respond clearly. A speech therapist explained that "yes or no" questions are quite complicated for him. Likewise, nodding or shaking his head often shows exactly the opposite of what he really wants. And when questions about basic needs or medical issues need answers, it is truly scary! Together we struggle but are slowly progressing with our communicating; this is the most important reason I want my husband home with me and not elsewhere.
Every caregiver hears the words, "Make sure you take care of yourself!" I certainly try. Every day I do needlework just to relax and read books to "escape." I love these activities, but they are solitary and sedentary and in no way resemble my former busy lifestyle. This caregiver needs another caregiver to get her out of the house-walking for exercise, going to clubs, and seeing friends! Support and energize me so I can come home and give my best to the shortstop I love and who needs me on his team. Let me continue to care for him but help me be the best caregiver I can be.
—Barbara Shorty, Sun City West, AZ
Winner of $500 of free respite care
from Home Instead Senior Care