2009 “Give a Caregiver a Break” RUNNER-UP: CYNTHIA
"Day At A Time"
Wisdom observes that our most decisive actions occur without much forethought. When my father had a stroke, I left my California life of twenty years and returned to my childhood home in Wisconsin. I came, not because I am selfless or because I thought I could fix things, but instead, out of respect for a man forced to accept a life change.
From the start, I rejected the title of caregiver and told Dad that we were partners in dealing with our new circumstances. One of us couldn't try harder or want success more, we both needed empathy, compassion and, most importantly, love. We both found ourselves in the middle of something we weren't prepared for and would never stop questioning. We muddled through, learned and tried to reconcile with our fate, while never allowing the loss of hope.
After years of being exposed to the pursuit of enlightenment, I finally understood the concept of living in the moment. "Day at a time" became our mantra and we found true joy in the simple rhythm of the world we had created. This was one of the gifts of a condition and time, neither of us would have ever chosen.
Before the waking reality of the day, I still see my Dad as this strapping, big voiced, larger-than-life hero. I miss the feeling of his protection and confidence. I miss my more carefree self-without the constant vigilance of advocating, being aware and in charge.
If I could will our former lives back, I probably would; but I am grateful for the peace to see what I have gained from this time. By stepping into my father's life when he needed me, I have felt trust and comfort so deep and true that it has made me believe in the power of love.
By giving of myself, I now have more to offer the world. My gains cannot be lost in a recession and the nourishment of my father's soul could not have been found in an institution.
Our commitment helped us to survive the indignities and compromises.
Our love sustained us. And for that, I am grateful.
—Cynthia Barber, Blanchardville, WI
Winner of $500 of free respite care
from Home Instead Senior Care