2009 “Give a Caregiver a Break” RUNNER-UP: JANET
"Picture of a Caregiver"
Aunt Shirley was the wonderful, crazy family member I adored while growing up. She lived upstairs with Grandma and was a huge presence in my life. She modeled compassion, generosity, faith, tenacity, and love.
Her days were filled with adventure, friends, and travel. She also gave the coolest gifts! I have a picture of myself walking around the neighborhood on stilts and banging away on a miniature drum set at the age of three.
When I was four, we planted watermelon seeds together. Every day, I watered them faithfully and would hover waiting for them to grow. After a few days, she placed a full-size watermelon in the garden. I can still remember screaming my way down the gangway carrying this gigantic, green melon. She was quite a character and everyone loved her, especially me!
Photography was her hobby and she captured our lives on film. Movies of holidays, birthdays, and picnics fill reels with film. Hundreds of pictures are treasured glimpses into our family's past.
In September, her housemate had a stroke and both of their lives changed forever. Aunt Shirley came to live with me at the age of 88. It became apparent she would never be going home. Her house would be sold and her life dismantled. Hundreds of decisions were facing us and none were going to be easy.
When all of this happened, I was in the second year of retirement from a 34-year career in teaching. I was adjusting and beginning to love my new life!
But...after several months as caregiver, I was on anti-anxiety medication, gaining weight, and not sleeping. I thought I was going to die from stress. I was silently blaming this person who had always been so dear to me for the drastic changes occurring in my life. I was angry, crabby, and frustrated...and so was Aunt Shirley. She was having a hard time with the adjustment as well.
It was clear I had to find a way to cope or we'd all die trying to make this work. I clung to the Serenity Prayer. It became my mantra. I also went about finding a way to give me time for myself.
Today, I am happy to report everyone is adjusting nicely. I created a space Aunt Shirley calls her own and remodeled a bathroom to accommodate her walker and other needs, which makes caring for her so much easier.
Friends and family were stunned to see the positive transformation. It occurred when I realized I needed to take good care of myself if I was going to be able to take care of all her physical needs. We now have a woman who comes and visits with Aunt Shirley several times a week. I treat myself with a walk in the woods, a movie, or just going for a drive.
When I look at Aunt Shirley today, I again see the woman I have adored my entire life. It feels terrific knowing I am making a huge difference in how she lives out her golden years.
—Janet Belzer, Island Lake, IL
Winner of $500 of free respite care
from Home Instead Senior Care