Skip to Content

Read comment

2009 “Give a Caregiver a Break” RUNNER-UP: KATHERINE

"Do You Remember?"

 

I knew something was wrong when my mom, Magdalena, turned over a photograph of a president she didn't like so that others could not see the image. That was not like her! She started loosing purses, keys, documents etc. Reason? Forgetfulness, I thought. She would hide everything. She trusted people. Why hide things?  No locks? Okay. That made sense. At the time, I worked ten to twelve hours a day. I did not analyze the situation. The time I had with her was for doctor appointments, banks, shopping, errands, and taking care of bills.

I drove her to the hospital. Later, I found out it was for bowel obstruction, dehydration, and overdose of over the counter medicines. But, when she thought the staff was trying to kill her, I realized something was seriously wrong with her mental state. She read the same page of the novel over and over again. This is a lady that read two to three books a day.  Plus, she asked the same question over and over again.

I knew there was something wrong. But I did not understand it was Alzheimer's.

I am now happy to answer the same question over and over again. I take every question as if she has asked it for the first time. Paranoia! I tell her that either my self or someone with authority has taken care of the problem and that it will not happen again. If she asks for someone that passed away I say "everyone is happy and doing well." When she relays something that has not happened, I do not argue. If it is bad, I say everything will get fixed. If it is a good, it is easier. I smile and say that's great.

I will not argue her reality.  It is real for her.

My biggest challenge is trying to convey to family members what Alzheimer's is. I am constantly learning.  I can only convey my experience. I know she is changing. At first I had no idea it was Alzheimer's. Today my challenge is to know and understand everything about Alzheimer's.

Alzheimer's will affect everyone differently. Sometimes paranoia will affect you for seven days, sometimes never, sometimes for a moment. You don't know.

I break down often because I wish I could do more for her.

My lesson is to live in the present. Now is all that we have. The past is gone. The future is unknown. My mother the beautiful lady I am writing about lives NOW. That is all she can remember.

Please do not ask someone with Alzheimer's "Do you remember?" The answer is no. Place yourself in the situation where a person recognizes you and they know everything about you or you are in an unfamiliar place and you get lost. You have no idea who they are or where you are. That is what it feels like to have Alzheimer's.

Have I inspired someone? I believe no one but I hope everyone. Inspiring one person would mean the world to me.

Mom I dedicate this to you.

                               —Katherine Stierlen, Port Charlotte, FL
                                    Winner of $500 of free respite care
                                         from Home Instead Senior Care


Comments

inspired? Yes

On January 16th, 2010 anorris3 says:

Katherine,
I am just starting the road of caring for my elderly mom in my home. She has other health problems than you experienced with your mom but the forgetfulness is there. She dislikes my "putting her in the spot so there is something else she has forgotten". I prayed and got the idea to act as tho when she says something it is as tho it is the first time. Here I read of your doing basically the same thing. So gratifying to me too! By the way, her sister who is 93 does have Alzheimer's. I am journaling changes so we can track them to present to dr.

I will be praying for you as you continue the journey. If your mom could talk she would tell you how proud she is of you and loves you so much!! Take care of yourself too!
Be blessed!