2009 “Give a Caregiver a Break” RUNNER-UP: MEARIAN
"Making the Grade"
My mother, Dorothy Mae Goolsby, has been bed bound now for 3 1/2 years. The daughter in me takes great comfort in how my mama looks to me as a baby looks to its' mother. Currently, she's physically healthy- which prevents her from having a home health aide to help take care of her daily needs. So with no formal training, only instinct, our morning ritual begins with a 6 oz. glass of orange juice and medication, then breakfast, which is now mostly pureed. After that comes the morning bed bath and daylong pampering. I get a cookie. She gets a cookie. I mentally grade myself on how I performed mama's care. I have made A's. But there have been a few F's too.
Mama came to live with us 10 years ago, when my daddy died of congestive heart failure. After he died, she never once asked where was he. She was very forgetful. She would just always answer us back with a question. That's when I realized how far along she was in this destructive disease. But something deep down inside allowed her to tell us over and over again, "thank you" and "I love you."
My husband and I decided that I would quit work and take care of my mother full-time. Something she could not do for her own mother, who too had had Alzheimer's. The look of confusion and disappointment on her face when she could not remember simply ripped my heart out. So we would laugh. And, with her gentle smile, she accepted wearing the t-shirts and Depends while giving up the bras and underwear and even the pocketbook.
Laughter became one of our daily over-the-counter medications. She was always watching me and I understood that she trusted me when she couldn't trust herself. When the daughter in me is in action, the rest of the family understand that they will have to wait patiently. I will take care of their situation just as I take care of mama. But watching her deteriorate physically over the years-from 168 pounds down to around 65 pounds-has been mentally stressful.
I often enquire about my family and friends parent(s) and encourage them to take extra care with their parent (s) and to spoil them. Not so much with things but with their time because it is the only thing that you can't get back. We don't get to pick and choose our parents, they chose us and I want to thank mama back with my time. After all, today it's probably the only priceless thing I have to give.
—Mearian Burgess, Lexington, GA
Winner of $500 of free respite care
from Home Instead Senior Care