2009 "Give A Caregiver A Break" FIRST-PRIZE WINNER: MARIAN
"Nine Years of Hurdles"
I have been a caregiver for almost nine years now. My husband, Douglas, has Alzheimer's and within the last year has advanced to the point that he can no longer be left alone.
We have experienced many hurdles in these past nine years—denial, anger (on both of our parts), losing your companion/partner, and many other adjustments. He has had to give up his freedom in driving, working, friends, etc. I have also had to change my lifestyle.
It is surprising how we can adjust to various endeavors when we have to. In the beginning, he refused to take showers without an argument and seemed to wear excessive aftershave. I dumped most of the aftershave out and put water in the bottle to lighten the strength of the aftershave.
Recently, looking in the mirrors that upset him. He is actually seeing himself but doesn't understand that. So I put suction cups on the mirrors and hung towels over them (especially when traveling). We now have our own mirrors covered with contact paper. Occasionally when he sees a mirror that we cannot cover, I have convinced him that this person is friendly and will smile back at him, if he smiles.
As he has progressed, he has trouble with his perception in seeing and picking up items, one being silverware. I bought silverware with plastic handles and painted them "hot pink" to make them more noticeable. I also bought plain, bright-green plates with raised sides—to help him to see better. Each day is another challenge.
We have attended several caregiver meetings (as I had no one to leave him with), and sometimes his input as an AD patient has been beneficial. After all, who can explain better some of his feelings.
I recently attended a meeting on AD as a caregiver. I was asked several questions on how the symptoms started, etc. I felt by responding I would be helping others, and of course, it made me feel needed again.
I have also started a journal of the changes we have gone through, the help we have received from friends, and yes, even from the friends and family that were reluctant to participate.
Over these last nine years, I have learned a lot—to be more patient, ignore comments of others, and to forgive those that don't understand or are not willing to learn. The more you can discuss what is happening, the changes that are taking place, and what help you need, sometimes people do come around.
As this horrible disease grows nationwide, I feel it is very important to make people more aware of AD—how it affects almost every family in one way or another, the importance of immediate intervention with medication, and educating family and friends on the disease itself and how they can help.
I know as we will have many more hurdles to jump—but I am sure with the support of each other and others, we will make this journey together.
—Marian Belvins, Port Clinton, OH
Winner of $2,500 in free respite care
from Home Instead Senior Care