THE FINANCIAL FIX: Lessons Learned by Judy
Advice that makes sense about fixing a financial mess and more
BY:ANNE HOSANSKY
Photo by Fran Collin
Was it hoarding—a problem for many older people—that caused your dad’s papers to get out of hand?It’s not always that they’re “hoarding.” It’s often their inability to make decisions about what and how to sort things, such as mail, and to toss anything out. You often hear of older people’s being afraid they might throw away something that’s important. Or they’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings, so they say yes to anyone who asks for a contribution and buy enough post-its and paper towels and flashlights to last a very long lifetime!
What’s your advice when caring long-distance?
Remember to carve out time just to enjoy your loved ones when you’re together—as well as doing what needs to be done.
What’s your advice for dealing with dementia?
Be respectful! That means speaking in a positive way, which means thinking in a positive way. It makes you feel better, too. You have to do this for everyone’s sake.
What do you wish you had done differently?
I’d have started sooner. The problem was my not understanding what was happening and why, in terms of [his] disorganization. It was difficult for me to take control. I wanted to respect Dad’s feelings about my not going into his office.
How do you offset caregiver stress?
I walk a lot and do serious yard work. Sitting still makes me feel like a grumpy slug. I knit at night to relieve keyboard-caused tension across my back and shoulders. And after each trip, I go right to my family to get my head on straight. Hugs and kisses from your grandchildren—isn’t that the antidote to every problem?