What's the most helpful advice you have for caregivers?
Learn all you can about the disease and about family dynamics. Rely on the people in your life who are dependable and on the concepts of your faith. And have confidence in yourself!

Any advice that's not helpful?
Being told to "take care of yourself" in such a way that adds to the long list of things I need to do. If I am not taking care of myself, it is a symptom of being overwhelmed and an indication that I need to make adjustments in my life. Does it mean I'm feeling overwhelmed? What's causing me to feel that way? Is it my expectations for myself? What can I reduce—do less for Christmas or plant perennials instead of annuals? If my kitchen floor is dirty, I'll deal with it when I get around to it. I don't let myself get bent out of shape.

Have you changed because of David's illness?
I know people say suffering makes you a better person, but I think I was pretty good before. God didn't have to give me this. So I'm still the same person, probably with a little more empathy. But has that come from David's illness or from nursing or just from life? I do find that I have less patience with whining.

What has been your best moment with David recently?
Seeing his response when our grandson was born last year. When I had to leave David in the nursing home so I could go to my niece's wedding, I gave him pictures of the baby. He showed them to the whole staff and told everyone, "I'm a grandfather!"

What do you feel best about?
Knowing I've made life for David as good as it can be. He isn't depressed; I make sure of that. In 1999 we went on a Caribbean cruise to celebrate our thirtieth anniversary. David was able to eat better then and he enjoyed that great cruise food. Although he couldn't manage the steps to the small boats to go to the islands, I wheeled him around the promenade deck and he enjoyed the trip immensely.

Any regrets?
I don't spend much time thinking about regret. It's one of my resiliency things.