A HERO'S HOMECOMING: Lessons Learned by Shelley
My husband was already a soldier when we married seven years ago, and I knew it wouldn’t be easy being a military wife. But I’ve found that I’m a lot stronger than I thought. I’m learning to depend on myself, not on my husband. I’d been married before and divorced, and I raised my son alone. I remind myself, if I could get through being a single mom, I can do anything.
One thing I’d do differently is to reach for support more. My neighbor across the street—the one I was talking to when I got the news about my husband—lets me vent. I also talk to my mother several times a week. But nobody really understands unless they’ve been through it themselves.
Last year a group called Salute America’s Heroes took a group of us to Orlando for five days. A psychologist from the Veterans Administration talked to us. I discovered that I wasn’t the only one who felt the way I did. So did those other wives and mothers—and fathers and husbands, too, because a lot of the soldiers are women—and we don’t know where to turn for help. There are a lot of support groups for wounded soldiers but not many for the families.
You have to learn how to reach out for help. So I’m working hard to get a family support group on the base.
There’s so much written about the veterans, but not much about the spouses. I’m grateful for this chance to say what I feel!