SUSAN: I’ve learned that I have more patience than I thought. Also, that you can handle anything if you plan. I’ve always been an organized person, but now I’m more so.

Jerry and I have become very wise. We realize you have to focus on what you do have. When my mother says she wishes she were back in Florida, I remind her of all the love that surrounds her—the visits, the phone calls, the good food!
It’s important to have the support of friends. Some of ours made a surprise birthday dinner for me; another gave me a manicure saying, “You need an hour for yourself.”

You also need to laugh. If you don’t, it will do you in.

JERRY: I’ve learned that you have to turn to others for strength. I rely on images of people I know who do heroic things, like the way a friend cared for his sick wife. You have to have role models.

People have been extraordinarily kind, such as a doctor friend who gave our mothers two free visits. We’re always running into people who want to help. It’s a miracle. But one of my limitations is that I’ve always found it easier to give than to take. So, I’m trying to learn how to take.

Susan and I are getting a lot from this experience. For example, as a psychologist, I know that when adult children [visit their childhood] home, they tend to regress to adolescent behavior and expect [their parents] to pick up after them. But now our daughters run upstairs and down, doing everything they can for us.

It all adds up to little dividends, but they’re dividends that count.