Caring Today talked with TV personality and author Deborah Norville about living the thankful life. In her book, Thank You Power: Making the Science of Gratitude Work for You, she notes that common sense told her that, in order to be happy, you must "focus on what you've got—not what you've not." And, as her hunch and the research she uncovered proved, if you notice and acknowledge the good things, you'll reap surprising life improvements. Here are Deborah's thoughts on....

How we change when we become more thankful.
First, the edge comes off. Caregivers have it coming to them from all sides, and it's natural to feel that if one more thing happens, Kaboom! You'll blow up, you'll snap.

I'm not going to say this is easy to do when sometimes it's hard to see anything good about your situation. But when you become more thankful, you'll find that your buttons are not as easily pushed, that your reservoir of tolerance increases. You're just easier to get along with. This isn't just me saying that, this is what the research has proved.

In one study, people simply wrote down every day three things they considered blessings. Then, unbeknownst to them, five of their daily contacts—spouse, office mate, whomever—were asked if they'd noticed anything different in these people. These contacts didn't know those people were participating in any study; they just found them to be more helpful and easier to get along with. So there's a change in behavior noticed by others, which I think is pretty remarkable.

Becoming more observant in order to be more thankful.
Think about being laser-focused on a goal. Put your hands on either side of your eyes, like blinders on a horse. You can see that goal.

Right now, I'm staring at a lamp. I see it really well. The lamp I'm staring at is not turned on. If I remove one hand, I can actually see out of the corner of my eye another lamp that is turned on. It's making a corner of the room inviting and wonderful.

Caregivers, because they have so much they have to do and their time is limited, are really focused on what they've got to get done. But, if you take those blinders off, you may see that little corner of beauty—maybe something as easily overlooked as the first crocuses of spring or that, hallelujah, they've finally finished the construction project down the street. But if you're in the moment of the "have-tos," you don't necessarily open yourself up. Yes, it's a matter of training, but it's not hard. It's a conscious effort on your part to stop momentarily and just look around.

Keeping a "thank you power" journal.
For one thing, you don't have to do it at the same time every day. There's nothing radical about the idea of keeping a gratitude journal. Most people suggest, "At the end of the day, go back through your day and...." Well, at the end of the day, I'm face down in a pillow and the last thing I've got is energy to sit down and think beautiful thoughts about the day. It's a laudatory idea and there are some people for whom this is a great thing—it ain't me. My thinking moments, when I jot things down, are just as likely to be in a taxi on my way to work. Write things down when it's convenient. My whole mantra in life is "de-stress." It's not about adding to the burden, it's about when you've got time.

Rewards of looking back at what you've written.
It's really funny, when I was on my national book tour last fall, someone said, "Give me a ‘for instance' about what's in your book. I pulled it out and it fell open to a page where I'd noted, "Thank you for Karl." My husband was really putting up with a lot, managing the kids and more while I was on tour. I was on a national TV show when I read that, and he was watching. He was having a bad day, a really awful one, but when he heard me say that, it took the edge off his day. So there's a pass-along value of this. I'm a big believer in God's karma—I was meant to have my eyes fall onto that note at that moment. So, you never know.

Keeping a journal as a help to caregivers.
A lot of people say it's important to have an outside sounding board, whether it's a therapist, a priest or a good friend who just has that wonderfully wise response to everything. It's important to have a place where you can download. A journal is a good way to do that. You can write a lot of stuff down.

There was a study done some years ago by researchers at Southern Methodist University, who found that individuals who spend just 15 minutes a day writing down their innermost thoughts have higher immune response, fewer stress cortisols and actually have lower blood pressure. In fact, doing this is analogous to quitting smoking, the therapeutic value is so high.

So it may be that you're not in a situation financially or geographically that it's possible for you to find someone to download on—in which case your notebook, your piece of paper, could be your lifeline.

Helping your loved one tap the power of gratitude.
You can draw your loved one out by asking, "What do you have to be thankful for today?" It may be the gift of love, how blessed the person feels to have someone who cares for him so much, or that he's in his own home. You can help the person open his eyes and look around. If the person's in a facility, maybe it's the lady who comes every other day and just gives her a little smile or stroke on the cheek.

And when you write it down, what a great thing. So, get a dry erase board, put it within eyesight of the person and write "Today's Thank You" across the top. Maybe it's just one thing, "Tell me something that's good today. Oh, my gosh, it's beautiful outside. Let me position you so you can see that gorgeous sun!" Then write, "Today's a beautiful sunny day." And you write the date, and maybe add a pretty picture.

Every day you can change it—but before you do, write it in a notebook. Then, when your loved one is having a particularly blue day, you can say, "You know, I know today's not a good day, but remember the other day when the Girl Scouts came and sang...." This gives you a positive memory to go back to. And that just may make a day that isn't such a great day, a better one.

Practicing gratitude when family members gather to visit a care recipient.
Say you come together for Dad's or Mom's birthday. With siblings living all over the place, as is the case for so many families, it may be only once or twice a year that everybody gets together at Dad's house. When that happens, wouldn't it be a great gift if everyone shared memories, especially memories for which you're most thankful. What a great tradition to start. And, of course, people do tend to feed off one another. So, designate one person to take notes right then, not record it. That's because you think you'll go back to transcribe the conversation, but you won't.

Depending on how elaborate you want to get, you can make a calendar with each of those memories. It's easy enough to do if you go online and search for "calendars." Then insert a photo per month and sprinkle memories throughout. What a wonderful thing to make for the person who's ailing, as well as copies to share with siblings and others.

Caregivers taking care of themselves.
It's easy to fall into this trap: If I do anything for myself, I'm shirking my responsibilities to those I must take care of. On the contrary! You have to readjust the lens through which you look at your actions—whether it's taking a 20-minute walk or just getting into the bathtub, turning on some music, lighting a candle and soaking until you get pruned. You need to say: "No, this is not a selfish act—this is a sustaining act that will allow me to be strong enough to do what I need to do." In fact, you're giving a gift to the person for whom you're caring. It's a selfless act because it's making you strong enough to do what you've got to do.