THE (SECRET) GARDEN PARTY
Fulfilling a dream with family
For about five years, my sister Margaret and her husband, Dick, fulfilled a commitment to our mother, selflessly making the five-hour drive to Loretto, Tennessee, from Duluth, Georgia. As part of an 11-sibling family, we each took turns on weekends to give Mother's professional caregiver a break from her every-weekday duties.
The travel didn't seem a heavy burden for Margaret, since the responsibility was shared with all 10 brothers and sisters. But, the fact is, she often covered for others of us, never asking anything in return. The last few trips, though, became a challenge, since Dick had started to exhibit symptoms of Alzheimer's. As a result, a major joy in their lives-being part of our annual family reunion-ended in the summer of 2006, when they could no longer make the trip. Margaret had become Dick's full-time caregiver, and traveling with him was too difficult.
Even so, Margaret never complained. She adopted the "one day at a time/I have an angel on my shoulder" attitude. She found solace with her children and neighbors, as well as alone in her secret garden—her private space among a stand of pine trees in her backyard that's filled with knickknacks from her grandchildren. We felt a bit helpless until an idea was hatched that took on a life of its own. That idea was to have the 2007 reunion in Duluth!
Mother, upon her death, had left each of us a modest inheritance. What better way to spend it, we siblings thought, than to "vacation" in Duluth? We didn't tell Margaret the plan until we had a firm commitment from the entire family. Once we did, we told her of our idea. To say it was well received would be an understatement!
Margaret and I began to plan where everyone could stay and what things we all could do. She had one wish—to have a dinner party in the garden at her house. She never mentioned to any of us that the dinner would fall on her 45th wedding anniversary—and we kept mum from her that we all knew. We had a poem written to honor Dick and Margaret, and we assembled a basket of items for her secret garden. All the while, Margaret was having a poem written to honor us. So typical!
All 19 of us attended Mass before the party. Margaret surveyed the group and smiled as if to say, "They're really here!" But the party was her dream fulfilled. The family met friends and neighbors she'd told us about, comforting us in knowing Margaret has a strong support system. This was Margaret's way of assuring us that she would be okay.
The four-day reunion was filled with jokes, sentimental conversation, local tours and hearty meals. Margaret constantly thanked us for coming and mentioned little things, such as how nice it was to be able to go somewhere without having to drive, and having a sister care for Dick on outings so she could relax and visit with the rest of us. She was happy that the occasion stayed upbeat, void of heavy conversation and sadness.
Our reunion was planned to boost the spirits of Margaret and Dick, but all of us were uplifted. Our mother had to be smiling down on us, proud of all her children who continue to value each other. Margaret continues to care for Dick as we continue to care for her.
Anticipation of the gathering gave Margaret hope. Our hope is that the memories carry her through until the next time we can get together.
—Edie M., Gold River, CA