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COPING THROUGH CREATIVITY: Lessons Learned by Eileen

I've learned to give myself "mental health days" because there are times when I need to get away from Tom. I may go to New York or see a friend ore visit my daughter. At first, this was hard for Tom. But now he says, "You go and do it." But my cell phone is always on, because he worries when I go out.

The strange thing is that when I'm away, I'm eager to bet back to him. I feel bad that he's alone.

I've become more mellow. Now I let a lot of stuff pass and try to see the big picture. For example, Tom may get angry when I criticize a painting he's doing and say, "I'm not going to ask you anymore." Two days later, he'll ask: "What do you think of this?" In the past, I might have said "Don't ask me anymore," but now I'm not petty. I just give my opinion as though he's never asked before.

He still wants to travel, so I try to accommodate him. But it's been difficult. We have a timeshare in Florida and went there for two weeks, but I had to do everything-wait for the luggage to come off the chute, handle those heavy golf clubs, find transportation. This was a lot of stress for me. We were supposed to go to Arizona a few weeks after that, but I thought, Do I want to go through this again? So we cancelled. I've learned to baby myself.

I get support from friends, like one whose husband also is disabled. If I have to be somewhere very early in the morning, such as a crafts show, I'll ask a friend to pick Tom up later and bring him to the show. But I'm not the type who spills my guts. If I get down or whatever, I tell myself it will pass. When the world closes in on you, you learn to focus differently.