MOTHERS' DAYS: Lessons Learned by Susan and Jerry
Photography by Fran Collin
SUSAN
I’ve learned that I have more patience than I thought. Also, that you can handle anything if you plan. I’ve always been an organized person, but now I’m more so.
Jerry and I have become very wise. We realize you have to focus on what you do have. When my mother says she wishes she were back in Florida, I remind her of all the love that surrounds her—the visits, the phone calls, the good food!
It’s important to have the support of friends. Some of ours made a surprise birthday dinner for me; another gave me a manicure saying, “You need an hour for yourself.”
You also need to laugh. If you don’t, it will do you in.
JERRY
I’ve learned that you have to turn to others for strength. I rely on images of people I know who do heroic things, like the way a friend cared for his sick wife. You have to have role models.
People have been extraordinarily kind, such as a doctor friend who gave our mothers two free visits. We’re always running into people who want to help. It’s a miracle. But one of my limitations is that I’ve always found it easier to give than to take. So, I’m trying to learn how to take.
Susan and I are getting a lot from this experience. For example, as a psychologist, I know that when adult children [visit their childhood] home, they tend to regress to adolescent behavior and expect [their parents] to pick up after them. But now our daughters run upstairs and down, doing everything they can for us.
It all adds up to little dividends, but they’re dividends that count.