THE POWER OF RESILIENCE
8 Steps to Mental Resilience
BY:MARY ELIZABETH TERZELLA
"Resilient people feel in control of their lives and see difficult situations as challenges," says Robert Brooks, PhD, assistant clinical professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School and coauthor of The Power of Resilience. And research shows there are specific skills that enable people to cope with tough times.
Here are a few to get you started:
Take action. "Being in control means looking for solutions to problems instead of brooding about them," says Dr. Brooks. "If you feel nothing can be done, you stop yourself from thinking of options that can increase your happiness."
Solve the right problems. Instead of ruminating over things over which you are powerless, focus on what you can influence and think of solutions. "There is rarely only one answer to a problem," notes Dr. Brooks. "If the strategy you're using isn't effective, don't give up—change your strategy."
Pursue a passion. Being a caregiver means your day is filled with must-dos, so it's crucial to carve out time for yourself. People are more vulnerable to stress—and less resilient—if they don't engage in meaningful activities. "Enjoying pleasurable pursuits," says Dr, Brooks, "renews our spirit and gives us the emotional resources to cope with life's curve balls."
Seek support. Resilient people tend to have strong social ties and seek help when needed. Ask friends and relatives to lend a hand. Or consider joining a support group, suggests Dr. Brooks. People in the same boat may know resources of which you are unaware and offer helpful strategies, he says. Studies show that attending a support group eases stress, makes you feel more hopeful and leads to positive personal changes.
Learn from your mistakes. Don't chastise yourself if you forget a doctor's appointment or lose your temper. Resilient people attribute mistakes and failures to circumstances, faulty strategies or other factors that can be changed—not to character flaws. For instance, lack of sleep may be to blame for your short fuse. If you forgot to check your calendar, utilize reminder software on your computer's calendar program to alert you to appointments. "By focusing on what you can do differently," says Dr. Brooks, "you put yourself in the driver's seat."
Give yourself credit. If you feel your successes are due to your smarts and efforts—and not dumb luck—you'll feel competent to deal with life's hardships and setbacks, according to Dr. Brooks. "Owning" your accomplishments—and analyzing what qualities helped you achieve them—can help you connect with your resilient side.
Say "tee-hee" to your troubles. Humor helps people cope with adversity. Laughter eases stress and breaks into negative thoughts, so you regain mental control. It also improves your mood and ability to devise creative solutions to problems. For comic relief, watch a laugh-out-loud movie or TV show. Or make fun of frustrations by trying this exercise, based on work by laughter therapist Annette Goodheart, PhD. Simply add the words "tee-hee" to the end of a sentence stating your problem, such as "I spilled the medicine, tee-hee!" It sounds silly, but it's bound to make you chuckle.
Act like an optimist. What happens to you matters less than how you react to the situation, Dr. Brooks notes. Plucky people have a can-do optimism that inspires them to keep trying—and that can be learned.