Mom, Are You Depressed or Just Unhappy To See Me?
Adults 65 years old and older are the largest adult population segment (55 million strong) in our society and growing. In 2021, they made up 16.8% of the adult population and are projected to grow to 22.0% by 2040. According to AARP, every day 10,000 adults turn 65 years of age. Hell, this special group of folks is so large they are referred to by a range of phrases such as boomers, seniors, senior citizens, elderly and golden-agers. Funny, my family's phrase for me is very different and would need a separate blog to do it justice!
This fast-growing population is wise, have paid their dues and is also the largest segment receiving assistance from family caregivers. A recent NIH study indicated 18 million family caregivers (34% of all family caregivers) care for elderly adults who physically, emotionally and at times financially are in need of care and support.
Specific to getting a tad older, a person can begin to experience changes in their day-to-day lives including increased social isolation, lack of predictable structure, health decline, heightened stress, functional changes, and even reduced sense of purpose. When this happens it can be emotionally disruptive and contribute to a loved one beginning to feel depressed. According to the U. S. Census Bureau, 20.1% of older adults, age 65+, reported symptoms of depression and/or anxiety in 2023.
Depression can sometimes begin with symptoms that if not carefully observed can initially go unnoticed, or easily attributed to something else. Given depression is best treated when addressed early--when caring for an elderly loved one it is important to be vigilant in your observation of their behavior.
According to the Mayo Clinic these are some of the signs your elderly loved one may be experiencing when depressed:
Difficulty Sleeping
Listlessness
Personality changes
Memory problems
Physical aches or pain
Often wanting to stay at home, rather than socializing or doing new things
If you have noticed that your loved one has not been themselves for two-three weeks and may be exhibiting one or more of the above symptoms, it is a good time to tactfully explore how your loved one is feeling and what is happening in their life. Caution, the first thing NOT to do is ask your loved one a question similar to the question stated in the title of this blog. YIKES!
When opening a discussion to help determine if your loved one is actually dealing with depression, it is important to be very sensitive to the fact that seniors, especially those 65+ years old, may view feeling depressed as a personal failing. This may be one of the last generations to associate having mental health issues as a personal flaw. My advice, when trying to evaluate your loved one's recent behavior is to proceed slowly and with great sensitivity.
First, before speaking with your loved one, take a look at what has been going on in their life over the last few months. For instance:
Have they lost someone close to them?
Are they less engaged in activities they have enjoyed in the past?
Are they in contact with family members less frequently than usual?
Are they experiencing some social isolation and/or loneliness?
Noticing recent changes in your loved one's demeanor and now with a better understanding of the issues that may be contributing to their behavioral changes, the conditions are set for a caring and productive discussion. This is a time to find out more about what they are feeling good and not as good about, how their life is meeting their expectations and what would make them happier. During your conversation, if appropriate, don't be hesitant to talk about your personal vulnerabilities within these areas. Truly share, it will make a huge positive difference.
If you believe depression is an issue it is best to ensure your loved one visits a physician for a professional evaluation and proper treatment path. As previously mentioned, the earlier depression is addressed the better opportunity there is for healthy outcomes.
This is also a wonderful time to help your loved one engage in activities that according to National Institute on Aging, can help prevent depression. They include:
Staying physically active
Maintaining a healthy diet
Getting healthy sleep every night
Avoiding isolation; stay connected with friends and family
Doing activities that bring personal joy
Keeping appointments with doctors and adhering to medication directions
Depression is an emotion most of us will encounter during our lives. As a family caregiver to an elderly adult, it is important to be observant, keep open lines of communication and deliver the mindset and tools to help your loved one realize an emotionally healthy and happy life...Oh yeah, mom in this case, I'm sort of glad you were just unhappy to see me:-)
Help yourself. Help others.
