Reaching Out Delivers More Than Information
Last night, I was buzzing down the highway from Connecticut to New York City and listening to one of my favorite Country Western singers Chris Stapleton. Even though I had just left 3 great buddies after playing golf, which was more filled with trash talk than good shots, I was feeling sad. The time on the golf course with good friends reminded me that two weeks ago I had lost a dear friend named Michael.
This was a sobering loss for many of us who knew Michael. He was a classic... Michael loved people. He always had an opinion, but unique in that as passionately as he felt about it Michael was equally open to hearing your thoughts and, regardless of the discussion outcome, was the first to shake hands and move forward. Michael was just simply a good and interesting guy who loved his family, friends and life in general.
During Michael's illness, when speaking with him never once did I hear him complain, or feel regret. Now, does that mean he would rather not have his health issue? Of course! However, Michael did not feel life gave him a short straw. In fact, Michael was very grateful for the life he lived and especially the people in it.
My regret about Michael's passing is the deep sadness of losing a dear friend, but thankfully I have no regrets that may have resulted from not reaching out and connecting with Michael during his illness. We had wide ranging conversations, emails, texts, and this is at the heart of this blog. Please don't wait to reach out to others to let them know what they mean to you.
When speaking with family caregivers and people in general about this, I hear the excuses for this not happening including I'll get to it tomorrow, or the person already knows how I feel about them, and the very frequent response ... I just feel awkward doing this. While all understandable, all I have to say is blah, blah blah, blah blah, because when you let these opportunities slip by, there is a good chance you will feel some level of regret, one of the most negative emotions you can experience.
Reaching out to someone special, someone who meant a lot to you and you are grateful for, is a wonderful way to deliver and receive a special level of happiness. Dr. Martin Seligman, known as the father of Positive Psychology and Zellerbach Family Professor Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, is a big advocate for writing Gratitude Letters to someone special in your life. Research indicates the practice of thinking about, writing and delivering a Gratitude Letter increased a person's emotional well-being and happiness and, at the same time, lowered depression levels for up to a month after the letter/message was delivered.
So, please try not to wait to reach out to someone important to you and letting them know what they mean to you and why. This shouldn't be a burden, actually even reflecting on this should provide positive, uplifting internal feelings.
To help get you started, Dr. Seligman provides some simple Gratitude Letter writing steps:
Step one – take a moment to think about someone who has positively impacted your life (whether in the short- or long-term) that you appreciate, yet may not have thanked properly.
Step two – write that person a letter (or compose a message) describing how you feel about what they have done for you and why you are grateful to them. Seligman describes it as follows, it “should be concrete, be specific and mention how often you remember what they did”.
Step three – deliver the message, and address the reasons why this is important to you.
Personally, although this exercise is specific to letter writing, to me the real benefits of this process to you begins before you put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard. Just thinking about an important person in your life, the reason they mean so much to you and your gratefulness towards them is emotionally beneficial. How you communicate your feelings is up to you.
When I was a kid, I always remember the phrase adults loved passing on...It's Never Too Late to (fill in the blank). However, as adults we know this phrase isn't always true! Make a habit of thinking in a mindset of gratitude, reaching out to those important to you and letting them know your gratefulness for the part they have in your life. I promise you, just thinking about this will deliver a wonderful emotional experience.
Going forward, please don't wait to let others know the way you feel. I have and I am here to confess there are few things that can make you feel lower then when you missed this opportunity, and it cannot be fixed. On the other hand, when you do let the other person know what they meant to you it can make you feel just great... I'm pretty damn certain this is one opinion Michael and I would agree on!
Help yourself. Help others.
